Recently I was at a Divorce party and spotted a guy who appeared attractive from across the room.
”“It’s not Alzheimer’s,” he huffed, as if he was, after the American Medical Association, the big expert on incurable diseases, “but she does wear diapers, so they have that in common.”“It must be awful to watch someone you love die.”“I’m over it.
In the immediate aftermath of my breakup two and a half years ago, I jumped back into dating with a never-before-seen fervor. I was a woman on a mission, slowly wondering what on earth I was doing.
I wasn't learning anything from these dates, or even trying to decide if a man was right for me. As an introvert, dating overwhelms me under the best of circumstances.
I simply didn't have the emotional bandwidth, or the long-ranging self-knowledge. But this was a new kind of crippling: I didn't even know my own wants or needs.
And even though people hate dentists because they can scrape through to the medulla oblongata via your molars, I saw free dental work in my future. He had traveled extensively, read prodigiously, scuba dived remarkably, played piano exquisitely, and had more adverbs attached to his accomplishments than Leonardo da Vinci.
This was not the guy who would take you to El Pollo Loco even if his car ran out of gas as he was driving across their parking lot and he hadn’t eaten in three weeks.
Career is one of the most incredible developments for women today. But to exist in past relationships, I always lost sight of my career goals for a hot second.
We are graduating from college in record numbers, flooding the workforce and demanding equal treatment. Whether it was my choice of partner or my headspace or both, I'd always let the pursuit of love slow me down.
Eventually, I realized that although I wanted to have a corrective experience to patch that gap, I had to find a newfound sense of worth in myself first.
I took a full year off from dating and love back then; my first "relationship cleanse." I took yet another nine-month break more recently to pursue a lifelong dream—writing a book on finding love as a modern woman—after realizing there was no shortcut for making said dream happen, only full devotion.
I ended up moving to a new city, making tons of new friends, cutting out a few old toxic friends, getting closer with my niece and nephew, and ultimately selling a book.